Apology

In The Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce defined "apologize" thusly:

APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.

But, then, he was very cynical.

I've been thinking about apologies since I got one that I found unacceptable about a month and a half ago. It seemed .... weak. Insincere. Nonchaloant, even.

"Sorry. Let's move on. This isn't important to me."

I'm not sure that is the truth of it, but it is how it felt. And that is what I responded to.

So, I've been thinking about that apology. And apologies in general. That if they aren't phrased correctly, they are useless.

Last night, I had dinner with a girlfriend. She said that she and her husband had recently realized that they had both been missing apologies. Each felt that s/he had apologized when s/he was in in error, but that the other never did. What they finally realized was that they use different language to apologize.

She would say "I'm sorry." and feel like it was done.
He would say "I messed up" and think he had fixed what was damaged.

But, she needed to hear regret. And he needed admission of culpability.

It is interesting to me how we need varying amounts of those 2 elements.

I seem to require a bit of both in order to feel that someone who has hurt me, in whatever way, is truly contrite.